Written in My Chair
Since becoming disabled, I'm not as active as I used to be. I treasure silence and calm over noise and excitement 100% of the time. Because of this, I view the world from my favorite chair, and I'm at peace with it.
Hal and I are still active. We joined a gym and tried to get there at least twice a week, barring medical appointments. I never thought I would be in this condition; until three years ago. I felt like I would live forever. Obviously, I was wrong about that.
Life never stops, no matter how much we wish it would. The trick to being Happy is to choose Happiness. Happiness takes more work and discipline than misery because the world follows the Chaos Theory and naturally gravitates toward disorder and unhappiness. Happiness is something you achieve because it doesn’t last long without concentrated effort. Happiness is also something that others can provide to you in small quantities for a limited time. After that, Happiness is up to you. The world at large doesn’t care how you feel. Those in power want miserable people so they can tempt them with the false promise of happiness. You are in charge of your destiny.
When it comes to me personally, the choice to be happy wasn’t an easy one. I care deeply about this country, and it hurts me to see the enthusiastic embrace of neo-Nazi politicians from the Republican Party. I fear for the future of Democracy when hatred is the philosophy that Republicans want to use to govern.
The anger I felt then consumed me. I finally had to admit that if enough people chose to follow Fascism that there was nothing I could do about it. That realization started me on the long road to Happiness.
Meditation helped, but eventually, I needed professional help. Earlier this year, I started seeing a therapist, and she prescribed something that helped me sleep and an anti-depression/anti-anxiety medication. Both have helped me rid myself of the anger and frustration that we’re consuming me and ruining my life.
Today I am calm. I no longer fly off the handle when I read about the latest injustice. I still care, but I am detached emotionally, so I don’t get mad.
Hal told me he’s never seen me so calm in our 23 years together. I am proud I let go of the anger and hate in my life. Now I can focus on Kindness and Compassion toward others. The path hasn’t been an easy one, and there were times I didn’t know if I could make it, but I never gave up. I kept moving, however slowly, towards my goal, and I finally made it.