When you find out some of the people you like don’t give a f*ck about you, that’s their problem
Self-discovery is hard. When I find out something about myself that I don’t like, or want to change, I feel guilty as if I committed some crime. This feeling is especially true when dealing with people you thought cared about you. Experience proves they don’t care, but emotion wants me to keep trying to repair a friendship that no longer exists.
When I look at my self-worth I try to balance the pros and cons of each course of action. When I am totally honest with myself, the choice to put those people out of my life is an easy one. At least that’s what I tell myself.
My ego is an interesting thing. I used to believe in myself, but that was a charade I used to hide the anxiety I didn’t know I had. I clung to so-called friends without opening my eyes and looking at what was happening. I realized I was putting time and effort into a friendship that had become, or always had been, extremely one-sided with me never receiving reciprocal treatment.
When I first admitted to myself what was happening I made the decision to cut off contact with those fake friends. Letting go hurt a lot. I felt guilty, like the whole situation was somehow my fault. I had to learn that a real friendship is a two-way affair, and that the fake friends were really indicating how they felt without saying a word.
Once again, I suffered the emotional body blow from rejection until I learned that I also had that power within me. I didn’t have to suffer any longer. Although I knew that my rej of them would go unnoticed by them, it made me feel better about myself.
i decided that I’m driving over the speed bumps they represent on the highway of my life. My time is focused on things here. I no longer think about or worry about what those people are doing. It might sound hypocritical since I’m talking about this, but I am writing to tell the story of how I finally overcame that obstacle on my journey to self-awareness.
I don’t wish those people any misfortune. I simply don’t care anymore. I am fresh out of fucks to give about them. That weight is off my shoulders, and it feels great.
Keep on trucking