We Waited for an Apology that will never Come

I had a friend when I was in the Navy until I left the Navy. We had some fantastic times during Liberty Ports back in the day when we had the chance to get off the ship. When our ship was in Home Port, we would hang out until his wife arrived to set up their household. That was when I left the Navy and met my partner, Hal. The four of us would get together regularly for dinner and evenings together. Friends that last are hard to find in the Navy because it is a vagabond lifestyle.

I knew that my friend was trying to get into Officer Candidate School, and I thought he would make a terrific officer because he understood how the enlisted side worked.

My friend and his wife were our constant companions until their first child was born. Hal and I bought a gift for the baby and took it to their house. Their cars were there, but they didn't answer the doorbell. We figured that they were exhausted from the new parent's up-all-night syndrome, so we left the gift on their doorstep. I remember it was a rather extravagant Playskool hanging mobile to put over the crib.

We never heard from them again, even though they remained in the area for several more years. It became evident that something happened, but Hal and I didn't know exactly what that was at first. Although we had never heard of specific, we deduced from the circumstances that my friend and his wife decided that 1) they didn't want us around their new child because we are Gay and 2) my friend didn't want it known that he had Gay friends while he was trying to become a commissioned officer. Either option, or both together, was a shitty way to treat friends. Hal and I decided that we were better off without them.

More than twenty years have passed. The other day, I decided to look up my friend to see how he was doing. He got his commission and retired from the Navy. He died two years ago. I was sorry to find this news. I feel sorry for his widow and his children. He will never be able to apologize for being such a dick. I wonder if that thought ever crossed his mind, but I doubt it did. The sadness at his passing doesn't diminish the hurt that he left behind.

Don't be a dick to your friends. If you must move on, say so; don't leave people wondering.

Be kind to each other.