Putting My Life Back Together

I am so glad that September is here at last. I usually don't have any problems with August. It is the month of Hal's birthday, which we always celebrate. The dog days of summer seem to go on forever, and in the far distance, we can make out the image of Autumn approaching.

August 2023 was different for a straightforward reason involving my health. I had been doing exceptionally well through the year until August.

We moved to our current apartment in April. There was a problem with, let's call it, Apartment A. Issues in that particular building kept Apartment A from being ready as promised.

Therefore, we moved to Apartment B and submitted another change of address to the Post Office. However, I forgot to notify Medicaid about the last-minute address update, so the renewal paperwork went to Apartment A and returned to the sender.

I didn't know this happened until I got a call from one of my doctors that my appointment scheduled for early August be delayed under Medicaid finally kicked back in or the accompanying insurance. I called Medicaid and discovered what happened due to the address change. I updated my status with Medicaid, but the concurrent insurance would not kick in until September 1.

This screw-up meant my prescriptions were only covered through Medicaid, which is not a significant savings. For example, my insulin was $1,200 without Medicaid and insurance, but having only Medicaid reduced the price to approximately $1,000. When my insurance takes effect, that insulin will cost $0. My other prescriptions are the same. I can't afford to pay for those medicines without the combination of Medicaid and insurance.

So, I rationed my meds through August due to financial concerns.

I noticed side effects almost immediately after rationing started. I felt worse than I had in several years. When my anxiety medicine ran out, I started feeling irritable with a million needles vibrating under my skin. I had to fight to keep my temper under control.

My blood pressure went up, and stayed there after that medication ran out.

One of the medications won't be available until after Labor Day, so the holiday weekend isn't stress-free. I couldn't sleep because of a general feeling of anxiety. Meditation helps tremendously, but it only goes so far. I meditate almost constantly on a subliminal level, even at the best times.

My planned podcast is on hold until I get together again after September 1. It will take a week or two until everything feels remotely normal again. My original plan for an early August release fell apart on me.

Even my writing suffered during August. I struggled to focus when writing and completing a five-minute story was nearly impossible.

Regardless of what happened, it is in the past. I managed to survive without any immediately noticeable long-term damage to my health. With almost every medication finally here, I tried to relax and watch football, knowing that a delay of a few more days wouldn't be the end of the world.

Sunday of Labor Day weekend has arrived, and I'm still recovering from last month. One of my critical medications wasn't in stock last Friday, so I must wait until Tuesday at least. So, I'll keep rationing one of my medicines until then.

I feel terrible about not writing more, but I can't explain how uncomfortable I felt. Everything in my life was put on hold, and I couldn't stop it. I tried to change how I felt, but the sudden halt to my medications made that impossible. I hated not writing during the month, but I could feel nothing but anger bleeding through, and that isn't what I want to be about.

Hal was fantastic with me during the tough times. I tried my best not to let my condition affect my behavior, but I came very close to losing control several times over the last five weeks, and I apologized to him each time.

I have to comment on our healthcare system that allows situations like mine to occur. There has to be a better solution than the one we have presently because I saw nothing wrong but suffered anyway due to a bureaucratic failure. I believe that once a person is placed on a medication, no event other than a medically approved change should result in denying those medications to the patient. My situation is tame compared to those who lose their savings to afford healthcare, so I am lucky, but healthcare should not be a luxury. It should be considered a human right.

I endured an unpleasant month. No one should go through what I have gone through.