Taking my time with recovery

This time of the year, I am content with staying home and watching football on the weekend. I know it isn't the most productive use of my time, but I am happy, and that is what matters to me more than anything else. Everything falls into the proper perspective when considering how lucky I am. My outlook has changed over the years, and I am more appreciative of what I have and less worried about things I didn't. I know now that just being here is the most important thing.

I also endure a few unpleasant things this time of year. My annual sinus congestion festival takes place in my head for at least a month every fall, although it lasts longer each passing year. This affects my blood glucose levels, and I must monitor things more closely. I do well the rest of the year, but the sinus congestion festival ruins my yearly statistics. I have to battle with more depression than usual to keep from just giving up on my health, but I know that things will get better once winter arrives.

The worst thing I deal with now is the persistent flashbacks to a time four years ago when I was in the hospital and didn't know if I would leave there alive or not. I feel so uneasy when those flashbacks hit me. I have semi-hallucinations that I am still in the hospital when I look out the window on a sunny afternoon, knowing that the weather is getting more relaxed each day. But I feel isolated from everything when the flashbacks hit me. I am sure that I am looking out of the hospital window and that the nurses will arrive soon to take more blood from me. When Hal is in another room, and I feel this way, I resist calling him because he does so much for me anyway.

I suffer through these episodes silently, and each time, I hope that it will be the last one for the season, but it takes a long time for things to get back to normal for me. Even when one or more of the cats are with me, when the flashbacks strike, everything seems even more surreal.

PS - I should have published this before my PTSD story. So sue me.

Be Kind to one another.