Trying Something New

Kindness is in short supply right now. All my efforts to focus on the here and now are falling short, and I am letting the tension go and relaxing before making any rash decisions I know I will regret later. With that being the case, I wrote my story using Apple Pages. I love trying new things, and since I cannot sleep right now, it is an excellent opportunity.

Since Grammarly has finally gotten an extension to work with Apple Pages, this will perform much more smoothly than my previous attempt. I am still a rather sloppy typist, relying heavily on Grammarly to catch my mistakes. I type only a sentence or two at any one time to proofread them, avoiding confusion later more easily. I used to be much more proficient with typing, but my disability dramatically affected my neural skills, so I go as fast as I feel comfortable.

Another feature I like with Apple Pages is the word count at the bottom. While a timer is excellent, I can use a character count almost as effectively as I slowly make my way through each story. It sounds like the old how-to-write-a-school paper routine, but I don't count every word. I go back periodically and see how many words I managed to get down without losing my train of thought. I have a set number of words in mind that experience taught me will equal out to a nice readable short story.

I feel sad that I won’t type as fast or competently as I used to, but my love of writing is still as strong as ever. Every day is a new chance to see what my latest limitations are. If I stop writing, I know that skill can be lost forever, and I don't want that to happen. As I ponder this, I also think about how I will store my stories. I will create a new folder in my Files to keep things organized between all my devices. Luckily, I am still an Apple fanboy, so everything communicates seamlessly. I just created that folder for these stories. I used Ulysses for a long time, but I wanted something I wouldn't have to pay a subscription fee.

Once I complete this story, I will try to sleep again using the new CPAP machine. I didn't realize it was so difficult to fall asleep the first few nights, but it is better after receiving a full-face mask than the nasal one. Saturday was busy, with Hal’s sister flying in from Florida for several days. I will give Hal and her their time together. They haven't seen each other since before the pandemic started.

I envy Hal because he has siblings that he gets along with. I am an only child, and my extended so-called family is a hot mess that I don't bother with because too many negative memories are best left buried. Time does heal all wounds if we let it. I thought about going back to Kentucky to see my one close relative, but the airfare is ridiculous, especially since the nearest small airport is still 60 miles from her house. Years ago, I learned that family is best left to long-distance phone calls without real interaction. Until I met Hal, I lived alone because my parents told me to get out of the town where I was born. They said there was no future there, and they were right. Aside from a few friends who inherited their family medical or legal practices, the successful members of my graduating class, like myself, had to go elsewhere to make a successful career.

I saw the world, or most of it, while in the Navy but paid the price. I did all the things that sailors are known for. I smoked and drank like there was no tomorrow and am disabled for the rest of my life. I will survive and do the best that I can. The past cannot be changed, and looking back regretfully is a sure way to harm yourself.

Well, almost a week passed since I last worked on this story. We had family visiting, which occupied almost every waking moment for Hal and myself. We had a great time, although something went wrong every day during the visit, and I was usually left to deal with it because Hal deserved to spend time with his sister. I’m working on a separate story about those adventures. 

On the bright side, I am enjoying the new writing routine using Apple Pages for a change. I did create a new iCloud folder for my stories, and things are going great. Writing a story doesn’t necessarily mean I must finish it in one sitting; I can take my time to get it precisely right and publish it. No matter how hard I try, this seems to be the most challenging thing to learn as I become a better writer. Haste does indeed make waste when it comes to writing. 

My website is running smoothly. I picked up a few new subscribers recently, and I’m letting the website grow organically in the beginning because that is the best way for it to flourish, in my opinion. I have my usual backlog of stories to work on that will keep me busy. It is the self-discipline that I need to focus on. The realization that the only person or thing truly holding me back is myself; there is no more time to waste trying to blame my own shortcomings on others. If I want my website to succeed, I must focus on that task. And one key aspect to that is finding a writing approach and the correct tools to make it possible. 

I spent some time today re-stacking my story backlog so I can use a focused approach to reducing that list, at least temporarily, because I will always keep adding to it as time goes on. I have a limit on the number of stories I keep in my backlog because it doesn’t serve a purpose to let the list grow continually. 

I have another personal hang up that I need to get off my chest. I continually seek out new ways to write my stories. I believe that learning new things is always valuable, but I tend to go from 0-100 in a new direction, or on a new writing method before I realize that I didn’t actually learn anything. Knowing how I am makes me want to slow down with this new approach using Apple Pages. I am not, and may never be, the writer who can churn out massive quantities of stories daily. Instead I should concentrate on making the best stories I can, and then publishing those. 

I have worked on this story for almost five days, and it feels like it is nowhere near finished. Each time I read it, I feel less certain about it. Part of this stems from a fear of rejection on my part, that is something that I must overcome on my own. The best solution I can think of is to just publish this and let the chips fall where they may. 

The only way to be a better writer is to keep writing. As long as I get a sense of accomplishment from my writing, the time wasn’t wasted. 

I will start to wind this story up as I plan my Friday evening here at home with Hal and The Stooges. It gets dark earlier now that we have already made it to late October. I’m glad that we have a safe and warm place here to stay safe. The idea of a nice, hot shower is tempting me as I type. I can think positively about going to bed since the CPAP is helping me sleep better. 

There is so much that I still want to say, but it is best to save it for another story patiently waiting in my backlog for my next writing effort. I’m glad I took my time on this story, I feel like it was worth the effort. The weekend is here, that doesn’t mean much anymore, but we’ll make the best of it. Hopefully, the weather won’t be bad, but if it is, we have more than enough food here to last for several days. 

Hal just suggested curling up on the couch after we shower, and watching some old movies together. I think that is a great idea, and I recognize how lucky I am to have a partner like him in my life. A big bowl of popcorn for us, and The Stooges crawling all over us is the perfect way to spend a rainy Friday evening. I am one of, if not the, luckiest men in the world. I hope that everyone can find some Peace and Kindness in their lives right now. There is too much suffering, violence, and hate that we need to get rid of before we can make the world a better place.