"Believing in Myself and Taking Risks"

On 15 June 2024, I emailed two old friends whom I hadn't spoken to in many years. I hope to hear from them and reestablish communication with them. None of us are getting any younger, that's for sure.

I have changed and matured, somewhat gracefully, over the last 20 years. I am happy with my partner Hal and our life together. I experienced several significant health scares and am coping with long-ignored depression and anxiety. Nevertheless, I am still here in a somewhat degraded condition, but that doesn't stop me from trying to do things better than I did before. I miss my friends, and I hope the feeling is mutual, but that remains to be seen.

I am preparing myself for no response to my emails. If so, I will let the issue drop and move on with my life here. I have to respect my boundaries, and I won't beg someone for attention, no matter what our past friendships might have been like.

I suppose that this whole exercise is a nod to mortality. I don't want to think I didn't give one last chance to reconnect with these old friends. Perhaps I will try with a few others, but none are as memorable as these two.

Tiny is my old Navy friend. We sang karaoke together all over the Mediterranean and in Norfolk (I'm glad I left there), but that was 25 years ago. I contacted him once several years ago, but things didn't work out, so this is my latest and last attempt to contact him.

Byrdman is a friend of mine after the Navy from my cigar enthusiast days, which are long behind me. I have COPD, so that means no more smoking for me. It has been 13 years since we last spoke.

I opted for email as the communication method because it would allow us to respond at our own pace. I wanted to avoid intruding by dialing a phone number that might or might not be theirs.

Reconnecting with old friends can be daunting, mainly when life has led us on different paths. The decision to reach out to Tiny and Byrdman was difficult, as I had to overcome my fear of rejection. However, my eagerness to contact them outweighed my initial fear of rejection, and I hope they feel the same way, reconnecting with my apprehension.

As I composed my message, I couldn't help but think about our good times and shared laughter. That made me want to reach out and reconnect. So, I introduced myself, asked about their well-being, and expressed my hope to reestablish our connection to those memories.

As I drafted my message, a flood of memories came rushing back. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the time we [specific memory]. It was a reminder of the bond we shared and the fun we had together. But I decided against starting a trip down Memory Lane unless it was with my old friends.

If I hear from my old friends, I will try to set up a phone or video call. I understand everyone has their commitments and priorities, so I'm more than willing to schedule and preferences. This is about reconnecting, and I want to make it as comfortable for them as possible and to work around any complications.

When I think of mutual interests and enjoyable activities, I hope that after all these years, we will still have enough in common to make things work.

I suspect that if there are any meetups, they will be virtual. From the last information I have, Tiny lives several hundred miles away. Byrdman is closer, but I won't let that convince me that we can meet in person because I am sure he still works full-time. I'm medically retired, so I have lots of spare time.

If this is successful, I want to avoid losing touch with these friends again. I want to have a connection, but it must be two-way. I cannot handle putting all the effort into a no longer viable friendship. Once again, I am preparing myself for the worst-case scenario. Some people call me a pessimist, but I prefer being a realist.

We will see what happens. I have no timetable for responses.

Be Kind to one another.