My Eyes Have Been Opened, and I’m Eternally Grateful

I’ve mentioned my partner/husband many times in my writing. I love him more than life itself. We’ve been together for almost twenty-four years and still going strong. We endured crises and celebrations, deaths in our families, career changes, and illness, and we still survive and prosper.

A lot of people don’t think Gay relationships can last. Hal and I have known straight friends who have married, started families, divorced, and re-married. At the same time, we have been solid in our relationship. Some former friends who disapprove of our love seem to prove the fallibility of their arguments that marriage is strictly heterosexual.

There is another thing that Hal and I encountered on our journey, and that is a White-and-Black Gay couple blows their minds. Our relationship is the last straw for some people. Let’s call them racists because that’s what they are.

My perspective as a white man has been alarming. Not because of my beliefs but because other white males naturally think I agree with their racist beliefs. I learned much about how much I didn’t know during my twenty-four years with Hal. When I point out Racist and intolerant attitudes, I am accused of being a race traitor, for lack of a more polite term.

White people love telling how enlightened they think they are. They still harbor the same old racist attitudes they claim to have conquered. Their closeted racism came to the forefront when rump was elected. The hidden fear and hateful that came out into broad daylight. BLM was a force that white people never took the time to understand because they didn’t want to believe that racism still existed. Therefore the problem must be a criminal element that seemed almost 100% black. The argument that black men should simply obey the police while ignoring the fact that the police were killing many black men sounded like something right out of the antebellum South. White people believed that everything would be fine if the blacks did as they were told.

I learned through my years with Hal about racism in all its ugly forms. I’ll never know the true feelings that Hal endured, but my eyes are open to the things he can see. I still wear the uncomfortable shield because I’m white. Racists still think I am one of them by looking at me, but nothing is further from the truth. I pity those people and hope they get the help they need before hatred kills them. Even passive racism offends me because it ignores that racism still exists.

Claims of “reverse racism” are pathetic and disturbing at the same time. These claims attempt to place the blame for white racism on the blacks they are prejudiced against in the first place. “Whataboutism” is another attempt to disguise racism and make it seem more sophisticated and acceptable.

This type of behavior makes me sick. I see why white people are viewed as oppressors by so many minorities. As Americans, we inherited many customs and traditions from England, and the sense of racial superiority is among the worst characteristics we cling to.

I’m still on my journey to awareness and discarding as much bullshit white superiority nonsense as possible. Now I concentrate on the words I use and the way others speak. I learned to heat the subtle remarks that identify someone as a probable racist, and then I know how to deal with them and ignore them if possible. I understand that some white people will accuse me of being overly sensitive, but they haven’t been with someone for as long as I have. Whenever Hal tells me that he isn’t comfortable somewhere, we leave. If he tells me he doesn’t want to go to a particular place, we don’t go.

This is a lot to digest, and I am not the best writer. I’ve tried to make readers understand how I have evolved and how I still need to do better from now on. Thanks for reading