Life is Always Complicated

Last month, I wrote about a friend hospitalized for an elevated heart rate ( https://www.dreamersreadyroom.com/mortality/ Thankfully, he was out of the hospital after a few days with a warning to take better care of himself. Hal and I talked with him regularly over the next few weeks, and everything seemed fine.

Then we spoke to him one day, and something we said set him off. He got all bitchy and sullen toward me, although he didn’t react the same way to Hal. I remembered another post I wrote (https://www.dreamersreadyroom.com/lifeguard-lesson-learned/which reminded me that you never rush into a situation where you could be in danger, especially when the other person is at risk of hurting themselves and you.

Anyway, I decided to take the advice from my therapist and just deleted him as a contact. I told Hal that the friend was a drag on my life and happiness. I said I was tired of navigating that friend's emotional dollhouse of issues. I’ve known that person for over twenty years, but he never seems to evolve. He is always dragging people into his dramas and traumas, and who needs that?

I felt better almost immediately after deleting the former friend’s phone number and text messages. There was no dramatic statement of intent. I just took action based on what I felt I needed to do. Hal asked if I was sure, and I told him I was and had no regrets. Hal still talks with my former friend. I told Hal that if that person ever asks about me that I have nothing to say. That person dragged me down too many times, and life is too short for that bullshit.

The first day or two, I wondered if I did the right thing by cutting that friend loose. Then I realized I was falling back into that old pattern of putting other people before myself, and when I realized that, my doubts went away for good.

I love when my writing starts linking together like jigsaw puzzle pieces. I believe it indicates my writing is getting better. I take life one day at a time and focus on the positives all around me.

This story seems like a rather weird approach to Kindness, but it’s not that complicated. The first step toward Kindness is to love yourself first. If you constantly sacrifice for others, they reap the benefits of your efforts. You must act for yourself and show Kindness to yourself. This isn’t selfish behavior. It is liberating behavior, provided you don’t expect others to take responsibility for your happiness.

Ending a friendship can be tricky, but one must examine the true nature of the relationship. If I’m acting as nothing more than a sounding board and pseudo-therapist, then I’m better off walking away. Hal is a much more patient soul than I am. He can deal with the bullshit that drives me crazy. That has always been his gift and personality.

Several weeks have passed since I took the break, and I don’t feel remorse. I made the right choice in jettisoning that negative chapter from my life.