Fear Of A Blank Page
Why does the thought of a blank page in my journal, or a blank screen on my blog frighten me so much? I try to convince myself that they are simply places to write, to let my true feelings show, but that doesn’t lessen the sense of dread that I feel so often when I try to start writing.
Logically, there is nothing to fear from the blank slate. It makes more sense if one stares at the blank slate for hours and cannot manage to write a single word. I have had that happen to me on more than one occasion, but somehow I managed to get through the fear and cover the page with words. Not always elegant or interesting, but words nevertheless.
The blank page represents two things: 1) the opportunity to create something new and wonderful, and 2) the blank page represents another mountain to climb on my writing journey.
This story is proving more difficult to write than I thought. I suppose that is only fitting, just look at the title. I took about two days away from this story because I wanted to keep a fresh perspective as I write.
With each word, the fear of the blank page recedes, only to be replaced by a sense of trepidation. I wonder if I’m still just throwing words down on the screen without a clear objective in sight. I wonder why starting a story exhilarates me until I start trying to write it down, and then I wonder why writing can be so hard.
I wonder if anyone else feels like I do when starting a story. Now I understand why writers are supposedly so fond of alcohol. It helps deaden the pain and angst of writing when facing a blank page.
When I let myself simply write, and stop trying to proofread and edit as I go, I feel my writing wings unfolding and ready to take flight. The hardest lesson is to not just say that you write for yourself, but to actually cast off the restraints and follow that wonderful advice. So what if someone doesn’t like what I wrote? Unless I wrote it specifically as a criticism against them personally, it shouldn’t matter to me what they think. That does bring up a strongly held personal belief of mine, and that is I will never use my writing to attack someone else ever again. In years past, I wrote about Justice and Politics, and didn’t shy away from calling out people I disagreed with. Karma finally caught up with me, and I won’t do th same thing again.
I read that perfectionism is the enemy of creativity, and whoever said that was exactly right. Writing should come from the heart and be honest. Creativity requires risks, and pushing past boundaries for the simple reason that they are there in the first place.