Cruel To Be Kind

A song title from the past came to be when I was meditating. The artist was Nick Lowe, and the song was titled "Cruel To Be Kind."

I always draw strength from that title because it teaches a valuable lesson about Kindness. There are times when you cannot reach someone through Kindness alone. I am not advocating violence. One can be cruel by ignoring the person you can't reach. It is a hard lesson, and many fail to grasp it initially. Kindness can overcome almost anything except for someone hard-wired to not respond for some reason.

My experience has been typical. I am not that special in the grand scheme of things. I am just as flawed as everyone else. The difference that I can try to explain is that I took the step of forgiving myself first. It is impossible to reach out to others when you are not at peace with yourself. Now, understand what I am telling you: forgiving yourself is painful and difficult. Forgiving yourself involves dredging up things you buried because they hurt or made you feel bad. Professional therapists will tell you that you buried those memories for a reason. You did it to cope and then move on with a minimum of self-examination. Hiding those emotions is a defense mechanism that we learn from an early age.

It took me over a year to finally reach that point of forgiveness to myself, but when I finally got there, my life turned around. I spoke to people I had hurt, and I said I was sorry, but more importantly, I also asked them to forgive me if they could, and I left it at that. If they wanted to forgive, they would. If not, I knew that the relationship was closed. I wanted to see if they changed their mind, but deep inside me, I knew that I shouldn't do that because it was their choice, and they would do what made them feel good. It was their emotional baggage to lug around if they wanted to harbor a grudge.

Again, it is hard to describe how I felt after this. Before I started my Kindness Journey, I would worry about what else I could do to correct my mistakes. Now that I can control only my actions and emotions, I am not responsible for others. Everyone has their boundaries, and we should respect them. One example is a person I was friends with on my last job. He was a social butterfly. He has friends all over the place. He talked about the get-togethers and parties they would attend. I was initially jealous because those activities never involved me or Hal, my partner. I held a grudge against him for that reason. After I started my Kindness Journey, I learned to forgive him for hurting me even if I never told him because we lost contact after I became disabled and left the job. The next step was the proverbial removal of him from our life. To make that clean break, I deliberately deleted his contact information, phone number, etc... I no longer see his name on my contact list, and I am at peace with that.

These are examples of what it means to be "Cruel to be Kind." They are actions I take within myself more than a direct attack on someone else. I am responsible for my Happiness and cannot practice Kindness if I am unhappy. Remember Kindness to others, and practice it daily. Learn the signs that your Kindness is neither appreciated nor reciprocated, and know it is the time to walk away.