Break The Chain

There is a fantastic song by Fleetwood Mac called “The Chain” with a long backstory. The song’s chorus talks about never breaking the chain. The chain refers to the relationships within the group. Still, when you listen to the rest of the lyrics, they talk about shattered personal relationships within the group, but the individuals carry on for the benefit of the group.

As I have opened up with my therapist, I have spoken about how friendships affect my emotional health. She advised me to stay away from people or things that drew me back to depression and anxiety, and that is excellent advice for anyone when you think about it. There is no benefit to sticking around in an environment that makes me feel miserable. My therapist taught me to value myself and make decisions based on my needs and Hal’s.

Can I make a mistake? Of course, the error will be my decision, not trying to please someone else. I spent too many years striving to please others while neglecting myself. I was miserable because I was too unselfish. I trapped myself in a bottomless pit of depression and anxiety and had to escape. That has changed. It isn’t easy, but it is essential for me. My Happiness starts with me. It depends on me and the decisions I make from now on.

The relationship I dealt with involved a mutual friend of Hal and myself. We’ve known him for more than twenty years, and we’ve observed his quirks. Everyone has personality quirks, and sometimes they are irritating. One of my quirks is that I detest someone saying one thing to me and another to Hal. That is a clear sign that I need to break the chain with that person, and that’s what I did after Hal told me that the person was mad at me because I agreed with Hal, but he wasn’t mad at Hal. I won’t walk through his emotional minefield any longer. I blocked his phone number and deleted all text messages that included him. I told Hal he could tell the old friend whatever he thinks is best because I no longer cared. My patience for the bullshit is over. I won’t miss the drama; reality is more than enough for me. My life is too valuable for Junior High School bullshit. I don’t need it in my life anymore, and I’m sorry I didn’t make this decision sooner.

I deserve Happiness, and that can’t happen with negative people in my life that are holding me back. I focus on the here and now with Hal and The Stooges because they are my family. They have gone through difficult times with me and never let me down. I owe them everything, so the negative people are gone from my life for good.

I went through my contact list on my phone and deleted others who haven’t spoken to me in years, which includes calls and text messages that they never returned. That was a case of us simply growing apart as people often do. True friendships are hard to find and should be treasured. When they wither and die, let them go. Some people come into your life at a specific time and for a specific reason, but that time is finite. One cannot maintain one-way relationships.

One might ask how this relates to Kindness. What I’ve written about seems sad, but sadness is a part of life that one can not avoid. Kindness lets me face the tragic times, knowing they are temporary. Kindness makes those times hurt less. I won’t stop being kind to others, but there must be a reasonable expectation that others will be kind to me. When that doesn’t happen, no amount of patience will change that person. It is an emotional drain to keep trying for a different result. A leopard never changes its spots.

Change takes patience. In a case like mine, it also requires tough choices. Ripping the bandages off old emotional wounds is painful but necessary. Kindness heals those wounds when given the opportunity. In less than a day, I felt better about myself. I felt compassion for the people I mentioned, but only in the sense that I hope they all are safe and happy. I don’t have any ill wishes for them. I wish them well. The important thing now is that I make a choice. I don’t leave it up to someone else because that makes me unhappy.