Another reminder of mortality

OK, so where should I start? I was always taught to start at the beginning, so here goes. 

The year was 2020. I was busy at my job, and I loved it until early that year, when a weasel of a coworker decided to quit and start another job elsewhere. He was very good at his job and built a network of contacts, which was critical for our job, which depended on various organizations and sub-organizations to accumulate the data we needed to ensure accuracy for our clients. 

We were all guilty of operating our little smokestack setups to gather and interpret our collected data. Numerous attempts were made to “cross-train” people to perform other tasks, but they lacked coordination or central control. Since there were no clear and precise steps to follow that allowed me to accomplish his job, I was put at a severe disadvantage. 

To make matters worse, I eventually discovered that the former employee had lied about the amount of “cross-training” he provided. He stated that I was proficient enough to perform his job. I started having trouble with my boss because she believed what the former employee told her. 

I was usually a Type B personality, but the sudden logarithmic increase in stress started tearing me apart even though I wasn’t aware of it at the time. The situation with my boss also escalated and I found that all the hard work I’d been doing for years including developing a written guide for others to perform my job, which I completed with the people who would be called upon in my absence, amounted to shit. 

I informed my boss that the only communication I would acknowledge from her was via email or written correspondence. That, of course, set her off, but I was past caring. She eventually called her supervisor to try the “good cop” approach with me. I told him everything reported was true and that I wouldn’t back down from anything I said. I literally told him to throw the book at me because I didn’t give a fuck any longer. For the record, the client always wrote glowing reports about my work and positive interactions with them. 

The supervisor said he would pressure my boss to drop the disciplinary action. By that time, my shell shocked Type B personality had long since gone to the Caribbean and left me to fend for myself. 

It was about two months after that that I started having trouble breathing and maintaining my balance. On Labor Day weekend of 2020, I was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with COPD and Chronic Kidney Disease to go along with my Diabetes. I was in the hospital almost continually until Christmas. There were a few days when I got home, and I tried to return to work, but I ended up back in the hospital. 

I eventually applied for and received Long-Term Disability while my Social Security appeal continued. It is 2025, and the issue still hasn’t been resolved. 

Although I tried different things to ease the stress in my life, the only thing that initially helped was meditation. Eventually, I started seeing a therapist who has helped me tremendously. I am now being treated for Anxiety and Depression. 

My shortness of breath and vertigo didn’t change. I went to one doctor after another until I was referred to a cardiologist. On 07 FEB 2025, I had a stint done to monitor heart function. The test revealed blockages that need to be corrected. So now, it looks like heart surgery for me. 

Another reminder of mortality is how I see this latest news. I don’t feel any worse than I have for the last 4+ years, but now I know something is wrong. I want to correct the problem, but I must admit that I’m a bit nervous about things as well. Getting old is more complicated than I thought it would be. I didn’t count on so many things going wrong so early.

I called the surgeon today and set an appointment for approximately a month from now. Until then, I will take it easy and keep the stress in my life to an absolute minimum. Keeping calm is something I can master now; it is the unexpected things that I am concerned with. I hope the A&D meds are strong enough to get me through this. 

At least, I have an excellent support system from Hal and the Cats. Hal watches me like a hawk; he won't let me pick things up or bend over for any reason. The cats always seem to know when something is bothering me, and they act accordingly by sitting on my lap, taking my attention away from my worries, and focusing on the love they give me.

I spoke out against Republicans ever since Reagan. I remain committed to removing Trump and his Nazi supporters, but I don’t have the strength to perform any physical heroics anymore. I have to take better care of myself.

Be Kind to one another.