A Weird Week

I've had a very unsettling week. I seem out of phase with reality, if that makes any sense. I cannot concentrate the way I am used to, and that worries me. I am calling to schedule an MRI next week, which may reveal some cause of how my mind, concentration, and balance seem to be affected. The Physical Therapist (PT)recommended the MRI, and my Primary Care Physician (PCP) concurred. I don't want to think about the onset of dementia or Alzheimers, but I won't know anything until after the MRI takes place.
During the last week, I have attempted several stories, but they all read like the scribblings left on the padded walls of a cell in the asylum when I tried to proofread them. I could not maintain coherent thought while writing, which discouraged me. Every time I tried to write, things just got worse. Eventually, I turned to Meditation to help me get my mental bearings again.
When I was in my Physical Therapy session, I meditated like a mofo to get through the exercises designed to correct my vertigo. After every exercise and repetition, I felt worse and worse. I needed at least a minute to recover from the dizziness. I explained my meditation habits to my PT, and she encouraged me to use the technique as long as it helped with my balance.
Ironically, I have no dizziness while driving. My PT and PCP explained that this was because the vehicle's motion offset my vertigo, but that I must maintain vigilance and not take any risks when driving. If I feel dizzy, I should pull off the road and call for help. I don't want to put anyone else at risk.
Writing this, admitting to this publicly, scares me. I usually keep things to myself, but this can be a vital message to someone else. Don't take chances with your brain or neural health. The mental discomfort I feel when writing this is because I am lowering my defenses, trying to get help. After all, I need it, and this unnerves me.
I learned to trust because of Hal. He taught me to accept love and support instead of always giving them. Because of Hal, I am ready to face new challenges, whatever they may be. I had to learn that being vulnerable is not a weakness in a case like mine; it is a strength that I can build upon.
Anxiety and Depression are bad enough, but if there is something that can physically improve the condition, I am willing to try. The Disability Appeal Process took three whole years, and now I am finally able to start getting the treatment that I need. Finding the right team of doctors is also essential for better care. I chose a team affiliated with one hospital to share all my information instantly. Now, I will grow that medical team by one with a Neurologist who can determine if I have suffered any brain damage through the three years I waited for my disability claim approval. I have finally moved all my medical care to the local area. Before, I had to travel to the location where we used to live to keep my medical records consistent during the disability appeal process. I am grateful for those doctors, but it is too much to travel 50 miles each way to see them anymore. Now, everything is close, and that makes a huge difference.
I mentioned Hal earlier, and I must stress that you should never face issues like this alone if at all possible. A spouse, loved one, or friend can help you through tough times; you don't need to go through something like this alone. I am admitting my struggle with this by sharing this story. I hope that is helps someone out there.
Be kind to each other.